Jan 2025
January Update
The pain has shifted again—now it feels like a pulled muscle, though the burning sensation still returns once I start moving around. When I first wake up in the morning, I have about 5 to 10 minutes where I’m pain-free, and for a brief moment, I feel almost normal. I believe I might be regaining some sensation in the groin area. There's now pain when I press just below the incision, whereas immediately after surgery, that area was completely numb and unresponsive. Lifting my legs high is now less painful than before, but any straining—whether to urinate or have a bowel movement—still triggers discomfort like a sharp needles in my groin.
The pain in my healthy (left) testicle is starting to feel almost normal again. I suspect the cold weather may be affecting blood flow and contributing to some of these changes. One unusual thing I’ve noticed is that hair growth on the affected side of my groin is noticeably slower than normal.
Mentally, I’m still consumed by what happened. Thoughts about the surgery take up around 70% of my day. It continues to weigh heavily on my mind and is having a serious effect on my work and my mood. At this point, I only take tramadol when I need to leave the house—but I rarely go out anymore because of the ongoing discomfort.
What’s most difficult to come to terms with is that, despite clearly stating that I did not want a mesh implant, the surgeon went ahead with the procedure anyway. Not only was mesh used without my consent, but nerves were also cut, and the spermatic cord was damaged. I don’t know how I can ever undergo surgery again without fearing that my wishes will be ignored. I carry a deep sense of anger toward the doctor. I try to frame it in a way that might help me understand it—like imagining someone injured in a car accident caused by another person. That victim would likely feel tremendous anger toward the person responsible. That’s how I feel toward this surgeon.
But it's even harder to accept because this wasn’t an accident—it was a medical procedure carried out by a professional I trusted. I'm convinced the doctor lacked adequate experience in hernia repair. I’ll never forget hearing him say to himself, almost as if uncertain, “But I did the surgery all correctly?” A surgeon who regularly performs this kind of operation wouldn’t need to say that.
The pain in my healthy (left) testicle is starting to feel almost normal again. I suspect the cold weather may be affecting blood flow and contributing to some of these changes. One unusual thing I’ve noticed is that hair growth on the affected side of my groin is noticeably slower than normal.
Mentally, I’m still consumed by what happened. Thoughts about the surgery take up around 70% of my day. It continues to weigh heavily on my mind and is having a serious effect on my work and my mood. At this point, I only take tramadol when I need to leave the house—but I rarely go out anymore because of the ongoing discomfort.
What’s most difficult to come to terms with is that, despite clearly stating that I did not want a mesh implant, the surgeon went ahead with the procedure anyway. Not only was mesh used without my consent, but nerves were also cut, and the spermatic cord was damaged. I don’t know how I can ever undergo surgery again without fearing that my wishes will be ignored. I carry a deep sense of anger toward the doctor. I try to frame it in a way that might help me understand it—like imagining someone injured in a car accident caused by another person. That victim would likely feel tremendous anger toward the person responsible. That’s how I feel toward this surgeon.
But it's even harder to accept because this wasn’t an accident—it was a medical procedure carried out by a professional I trusted. I'm convinced the doctor lacked adequate experience in hernia repair. I’ll never forget hearing him say to himself, almost as if uncertain, “But I did the surgery all correctly?” A surgeon who regularly performs this kind of operation wouldn’t need to say that.
Timeline
