Over the past month, I’ve been seeing a therapist to help me come to terms with the changes to my body and my life. Together, we’ve set a goal: to reduce the constant thoughts I have about the surgery and the fact that it was performed in a way I didn’t want. One of my aims is to be able to go at least an hour without thinking about it. It’s incredibly difficult to redirect my thoughts, but I’ve tried various distractions. Online gaming has offered some help, but I’ve found that building Lego sets has been especially beneficial. I’ve started working on some of the larger sets, and they give me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction—something I’ve been deeply needing. The process of ordering parts online and anticipating their arrival helps keep my mind occupied and gives me something to look forward to.

The pain has also changed in nature. What once felt like a scouring pad or foreign object inside me has shifted to a burning sensation—almost like a hot frying pan pressed against my groin. This new type of pain seems to respond better to medication than the previous one did.

Sometimes, I find myself looking at my shrunken testicle, still trying to hold onto hope that it might still have some function. Since it's positioned much higher in my groin, it's quite uncomfortable, and the tightness often makes me feel the need to pull it down. It remains rock-hard and sore.