24 Nov 2024
How My Health Is Impacting My Son: Another Letter to the Doctor
This month was a mix of highs and lows. My son’s sports day was on a Saturday, and even though I usually avoid outdoor activities because of the discomfort, I really wanted to participate. I took some tramadol to help manage the pain and found a good spot to sit and watch my son race. He came 1st in his race, which made me so proud. Afterward, I decided to take the medication for another 2 days so I could enjoy the time with him, especially on Monday when we went to the park together. He had an extra day off school since sports day had fallen on the weekend.
But then, Tuesday came, and I went back to not taking any medication. The soreness at the mesh site was very bad. I felt incredibly depressed and again was overwhelmed by negative feelings about what the doctor has done to me. It almost felt like withdrawal from the medication, even though I’d only taken it for three days—can that really happen? It felt like I was spiraling, and I wrote another letter to the doctor, which I often do when I’m feeling low. It’s the worst feeling in the world, but I needed to express my thoughts. I was determined to actually post it this time with the postal service, to make sure the doctor would see it.
"It's been nearly a year since you performed my inguinal hernia surgery, and I'm still enduring significant pain with no relief in sight. My testicle has drastically shrunk to the size of a peanut.
I desperately seek a return to a normal quality of life. My thoughts constantly revolve around the surgery and the immense pain and suffering you've caused me. I replay the events over and over, unable to understand why you didn't choose a laparoscopic approach. Every subsequent doctor I've consulted has emphasized that laparoscopy is the preferred method and would have been the ideal choice for my case. My wife specifically asked you for your recommendation, and you claimed no preference and minimal difference. However, numerous online resources, including your own writings, clearly state that laparoscopic or robotic surgery is consistently the superior option. Even my own post-surgery research revealed that laparoscopy involves less manipulation of the spermatic cord, significantly reducing the risk of testicular complications.
You know yourself that you didn't mention the possibility of needing a mesh, the potential for chronic pain, or the risk of losing the testicle. You also didn't explain that I could experience nerve damage, which might leave my groin area numb.
I assumed you had extensive experience with hernia repairs and would have known that using mesh was likely. Since then, I’ve spoken to other hernia surgeons, and in the UK, they no longer offer non-mesh repairs. You shouldn't have presented that as an option unless you were able to perform it. I never wanted traditional surgery until you told me it could be done without mesh, and that it carried fewer risks than both mesh and laparoscopic surgery. Even when I spoke with the medical insurance representatives before the surgery, they were surprised by the choice of traditional surgery. They pointed out that my insurance covers laparoscopic surgery and asked why I didn’t choose that option instead.
You performed the riskiest method for inguinal hernia repair, which carries the highest likelihood of complications, and likely used the lowest quality mesh provided by the healthcare system (despite my attempts, no one at your hospital would disclose the specific mesh used). I wasn't given a choice in the matter. As a result, I’ve been left with the most serious complications from the surgery, including chronic pain and testicle atrophy, which may ultimately lead to an orchiectomy.
I deeply regret that you performed the surgery. I was far better off before, experiencing only pressure, not pain. Now, I can barely stand or sit comfortably. You've completely upended my life, not just mine, but also that of my family.
The consequences of your medical negligence have had a devastating impact on my life. I am unable to work effectively due to constant pain and depression. Simple daily tasks are now challenges, and my roles as a husband and father have been severely compromised. This unnecessary suffering is a direct result of your carelessness and lack of foresight.
I used to be a strong man, both mentally and physically. Now, I feel like a shell of the person I once was. When you take away a man’s testicle and leave him in constant pain, you take away far more than his physical well-being—you strip him of his sense of self. I’m ashamed to admit that I cry every day. Every time I use the restroom or look in the mirror, I’m confronted by the sight of my shrunken testicle. It’s not just the pain or the loss of a testicle; it’s the profound sense of betrayal. I trusted you to perform a surgery without any indication that you would harm my body in this way.
I was hurt by your implication that my university education made me somehow responsible for knowing the risks of hernia surgery. It's important to remember that patients, no matter their background, rely on healthcare professionals to provide clear and comprehensive information. Doctors dedicate years to mastering medical knowledge, and it's unreasonable to expect patients to have the same level of understanding.
This surgery has ruined my life. I can't envision any recovery which I have the same quality of life as before. You've stripped me of all joy. I used to be a happy person. Do you understand the impact of chronic pain? It fundamentally alters who you are. I'm now consumed by anger. I've lost faith in medical professionals, a trust you shattered.
I understand that this letter won't change anything, but I hope that by sharing my current suffering, it might offer some sense of release and aid in improving my mental health. Additionally, I hope it provides you with some insight from a patient's perspective on how things can go terribly wrong after surgery."
I was sitting at my desk, overwhelmed with tears, regret, and anger about everything, when my son came upstairs. He could tell I was in distress and gave me a hug. We both ended up crying together. It was a turning point for me. I promised myself I would never let him see me like this again. My mistakes and trauma are mine to carry, but I won’t burden him with it. I’ll do my best to protect him from seeing me like this. Its so hard pretending to be happy and painfree when inside I'm hurting so much.
Later, I was talking with my wife in the kitchen about everything—my surgery, how much my life has changed, and whether I’d ever find any joy again. Meanwhile, my son was in the living room, and I heard him crying. When I went over to check, he said it was because of a sad part in the video he was watching. But I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d overheard our conversation. He was watching a Minecraft tutorial, which shouldn’t have made him upset, so I started worrying that my own mental health struggles were affecting him. I need to be more careful not to transfer these feelings onto him.
I also decided to try going to the gym again this month. I miss it so much, and exercise is supposed to help with mood, so I thought it might be a good idea. I took 2 paracetamol before going, hoping to ease the pain. It was still uncomfortable, but I managed to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes and did some upper body exercises on 3 machines. But by the end, the pain was too much, and I had to go home. I’m worried I’m doing more harm than good to my groin area, so I don’t want to push it too hard. I remember going to the gym regularly in the weeks leading up to the surgery, trying to lose weight and get my body in the best possible shape to avoid any complications. I was able to sprint on the treadmill, even with the hernia, and lift weights. and I just can't imagine ever being able to exercise the way I used to.
It’s been a tough month, but I’m trying to take things one day at a time.
But then, Tuesday came, and I went back to not taking any medication. The soreness at the mesh site was very bad. I felt incredibly depressed and again was overwhelmed by negative feelings about what the doctor has done to me. It almost felt like withdrawal from the medication, even though I’d only taken it for three days—can that really happen? It felt like I was spiraling, and I wrote another letter to the doctor, which I often do when I’m feeling low. It’s the worst feeling in the world, but I needed to express my thoughts. I was determined to actually post it this time with the postal service, to make sure the doctor would see it.
"It's been nearly a year since you performed my inguinal hernia surgery, and I'm still enduring significant pain with no relief in sight. My testicle has drastically shrunk to the size of a peanut.
I desperately seek a return to a normal quality of life. My thoughts constantly revolve around the surgery and the immense pain and suffering you've caused me. I replay the events over and over, unable to understand why you didn't choose a laparoscopic approach. Every subsequent doctor I've consulted has emphasized that laparoscopy is the preferred method and would have been the ideal choice for my case. My wife specifically asked you for your recommendation, and you claimed no preference and minimal difference. However, numerous online resources, including your own writings, clearly state that laparoscopic or robotic surgery is consistently the superior option. Even my own post-surgery research revealed that laparoscopy involves less manipulation of the spermatic cord, significantly reducing the risk of testicular complications.
You know yourself that you didn't mention the possibility of needing a mesh, the potential for chronic pain, or the risk of losing the testicle. You also didn't explain that I could experience nerve damage, which might leave my groin area numb.
I assumed you had extensive experience with hernia repairs and would have known that using mesh was likely. Since then, I’ve spoken to other hernia surgeons, and in the UK, they no longer offer non-mesh repairs. You shouldn't have presented that as an option unless you were able to perform it. I never wanted traditional surgery until you told me it could be done without mesh, and that it carried fewer risks than both mesh and laparoscopic surgery. Even when I spoke with the medical insurance representatives before the surgery, they were surprised by the choice of traditional surgery. They pointed out that my insurance covers laparoscopic surgery and asked why I didn’t choose that option instead.
You performed the riskiest method for inguinal hernia repair, which carries the highest likelihood of complications, and likely used the lowest quality mesh provided by the healthcare system (despite my attempts, no one at your hospital would disclose the specific mesh used). I wasn't given a choice in the matter. As a result, I’ve been left with the most serious complications from the surgery, including chronic pain and testicle atrophy, which may ultimately lead to an orchiectomy.
I deeply regret that you performed the surgery. I was far better off before, experiencing only pressure, not pain. Now, I can barely stand or sit comfortably. You've completely upended my life, not just mine, but also that of my family.
The consequences of your medical negligence have had a devastating impact on my life. I am unable to work effectively due to constant pain and depression. Simple daily tasks are now challenges, and my roles as a husband and father have been severely compromised. This unnecessary suffering is a direct result of your carelessness and lack of foresight.
I used to be a strong man, both mentally and physically. Now, I feel like a shell of the person I once was. When you take away a man’s testicle and leave him in constant pain, you take away far more than his physical well-being—you strip him of his sense of self. I’m ashamed to admit that I cry every day. Every time I use the restroom or look in the mirror, I’m confronted by the sight of my shrunken testicle. It’s not just the pain or the loss of a testicle; it’s the profound sense of betrayal. I trusted you to perform a surgery without any indication that you would harm my body in this way.
I was hurt by your implication that my university education made me somehow responsible for knowing the risks of hernia surgery. It's important to remember that patients, no matter their background, rely on healthcare professionals to provide clear and comprehensive information. Doctors dedicate years to mastering medical knowledge, and it's unreasonable to expect patients to have the same level of understanding.
This surgery has ruined my life. I can't envision any recovery which I have the same quality of life as before. You've stripped me of all joy. I used to be a happy person. Do you understand the impact of chronic pain? It fundamentally alters who you are. I'm now consumed by anger. I've lost faith in medical professionals, a trust you shattered.
I understand that this letter won't change anything, but I hope that by sharing my current suffering, it might offer some sense of release and aid in improving my mental health. Additionally, I hope it provides you with some insight from a patient's perspective on how things can go terribly wrong after surgery."
I was sitting at my desk, overwhelmed with tears, regret, and anger about everything, when my son came upstairs. He could tell I was in distress and gave me a hug. We both ended up crying together. It was a turning point for me. I promised myself I would never let him see me like this again. My mistakes and trauma are mine to carry, but I won’t burden him with it. I’ll do my best to protect him from seeing me like this. Its so hard pretending to be happy and painfree when inside I'm hurting so much.
Later, I was talking with my wife in the kitchen about everything—my surgery, how much my life has changed, and whether I’d ever find any joy again. Meanwhile, my son was in the living room, and I heard him crying. When I went over to check, he said it was because of a sad part in the video he was watching. But I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d overheard our conversation. He was watching a Minecraft tutorial, which shouldn’t have made him upset, so I started worrying that my own mental health struggles were affecting him. I need to be more careful not to transfer these feelings onto him.
I also decided to try going to the gym again this month. I miss it so much, and exercise is supposed to help with mood, so I thought it might be a good idea. I took 2 paracetamol before going, hoping to ease the pain. It was still uncomfortable, but I managed to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes and did some upper body exercises on 3 machines. But by the end, the pain was too much, and I had to go home. I’m worried I’m doing more harm than good to my groin area, so I don’t want to push it too hard. I remember going to the gym regularly in the weeks leading up to the surgery, trying to lose weight and get my body in the best possible shape to avoid any complications. I was able to sprint on the treadmill, even with the hernia, and lift weights. and I just can't imagine ever being able to exercise the way I used to.
It’s been a tough month, but I’m trying to take things one day at a time.
I sent the letter via recorded delivery on November 26th. I’m hoping this will relieve some of the stress I've been feeling, constantly replaying in my mind all the things I wanted to say to the doctor. Now that I feel everything has been expressed, I’m hoping I can move forward and focus on other things.
Timeline
